


Down with the Sickness

by Uskius



Category: Dragon Ball, Papa John's Pizza Commercials
Genre: Corona Virus - Freeform, Explicit Language, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23134249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uskius/pseuds/Uskius
Summary: Goku helps save the world just when things look in trouble! Has a brand new form for Goku!
Kudos: 2





	Down with the Sickness

Goku was in Tel Aviv(the _true_ capital of Israel) when he noticed the sky getting dark. "Huh, this reminds me of Shenron being summoned," He thought.

And... it was!

The Jew-ish scholar dude Bernie Gold was there with Hercule and Bulma on a mountain top. Bulma had been unsure if things would really work, but... they had!

Bernie was scared and excited. "Aw shucks, do ya know what'cher gonna wish for, Bernie?" Hercule asked puissantly.

"Yes! I wish to be able to understand and guide the Sephirot!"

Shenron chortled. "Hold on a sec ma dude, lemme holla at the Boss Man." After a few scondes Shenron nodded. "Ayyo Big Man Upstairs says that's a no-go. Anything else you want, brotha?"

"Well, then I'd like to become one with the Sephirot!"

"Hm- wait, hol' up a hot sec... yeah, that's gonna be a no, dawg. He's got a few suggestions for you you might wanna he-"

"I wish for the ability to save the world!" Bernie interrupted. Shenron shrugged, then a few seconds later nodded.

"...A'ight. My Main Dude said he had someone else lined up for that, but he'll give you a shot at it if that's whatchu really want." Shenron snapped his fingers, then the Gems of Sephirot turned a virulent and sickly purple, and shot off. "A'ight, bruh. Ya got six months before ninety pacent of the world dies. Shenrizzle Farizzle is out."

Goku used Instant Transmission to pop up near Bernie and Bulma and Hercule. "What just happened?"

"I received the power to save the world," Bernie explained. "But... I don't feel any different."

"Maybe Shenron was talking about finding the Gems of Sephirot again?" Bulma asked, using Bernie's name for them.

"Well that'll take no time at all!" Goku said with happinesses. Bulma nodded, and took out her radar.

"Look, I think there's one nearby."

"Let's go for it!" Hercule said with encouragings. So they set off to look for it, and it was pretty boring until they got to the gate of this fancy building about two hours later. There were guards there who had guns so big the recoil could launch them into space.

"Hello gentlemen" Said Bernie. "I'm Bernie Sanders, and I need your support in finding a Gem of Sephirot. Please help me and my companions in this most unprecedented campaign."

"Yeah I got no clue who Bernie Gold is," One of the guards said.

"But... that's Goku!" Said the other guard. "Might as well let him in." The gates slid open, and the group walked in, but... soon they were confronted by a mighty fighter!

"Who let these bitches in?!" boasted Benjamin Netanyahoo. "Oh, hey Goku. Anyways, y'all won't believe how lucky I just got."

"You foud the secret code for an Edit button on Twitter?" Asked Bulma.

"Nah, had my coders take care of that pretty soon after the platform launched. What I'm talking about is... the power to eradicate all Palestinians and those pesky Muslims and stretch Israel's borders back to their historical limits!"

"Ha! That's actually kind of a relief," Goku said, scratching the back of his neck. "I'm so used to villains wanting to take over the world that kinda surprised me."

"Well, I'm Palestinian and Jew-ish, so you'd have to go through me first!" Bernie said boldly, pushing up his glasses with Nerd-Style threatening. "But... first: tell us where we can find the Gem of Sephirot nearby."

Benjamin Netanyahoo guffawed boisterously. "You mean the Dragon Ball? I absorbed that shit as soon as it popped up in my office. My power is maximum!" Goku used Instant Transmission to teleport to Ben, cracking him just under the ribs with a precise punch. Benjamin Netanyahoo began to cough and hack, and then he spewed up the Dragonball. "...Fuck. Guess it's back to false flag terrorism," Ben said, resting on his hands and knees.

"You guys wanna get some boba before the next one?" Asked Goku as Hercule carefully wiped off and picked up the ball. They all nodded, and Goku Instant Transmissioned them away to his favorite boba tea place, which was in Brighton.

Anyhoo, they got some good tea, and zoomed off to the next Dragon Ball. Right away Bulma felt something was wrong. She had googled the destination on the way over and it was supposed to be a big bustling beautiful city place, but... ... it was almost deserted! "Where is everyone?" She wondered.

Looking over her shoulder, Bernie could see the Dragon ball was close. "Just over this way," He pointed. They tried to enter the building, only to find to door was closed. They heard someone shuffling up once Hercule knocked.

"Don't come in!" Said a person of Asian. "We're all sick with the **corona virus** , and the whole city is on lockdown!"

"Well, we're looking for the Dragon Ball, Hercule explained.

"Oh, that thing? Yeah we threw that out in the dumpster once we realized what it was doing. Go ahead and take it if you want." Hercule shrugged, and lead the squad around the building to the trash. The radar beeped, and Bernie lost the Rock-Paper-Scissors to get the ball out. It only took a bit. Hercule carefully wiped it off and picked it up, and then they got on there way to the next one.

It was in New York! They group flew around in their capsule helicopter near the coast, following the radar. Neon signs were dark, and used tissues rattled across the streets like tumbleweeds. The group was devastated to see New York In Silence(that's a song title, see what I did there), and they had to pause for a moment to take it in.

"Wasn't this supposed to be a big city?" Asked Goku.

"But it hasn't even been a week," Bernie muttered to himself, scratching his graceful beard. "We'll have to hurry forwards and take the Gem." They swipped and swooped around closer, and when they came to the Dragon Ball, it was in the Statue of Liberty! The squad dismounted and rushed in. However, when they entered, they found their're way blocked by none other than Donald Trump!

"Looking for this?" Trump taunted, holding up a Dragon Ball. It glowed with the light of ruinations and plagues, and Trump cackled with virility. "It just materialized in the White House, and I moved on it like a bitch and took it."

"I'll handle this one," Hercule said, stepping up. He loosened his shoulders and gave a war cry. "Dynamite Kick!" Hercule was surprised to see the mighty attack blocked by the ball! He continued a vigorous offensive, finding Donald Trump to be a lithe opponent of great ferocities. The Orange One did a deadly and dastardly disco, using psychic abilities to maneuver the Dragon Ball around. Still Hercule had determination, and pressed Donald back up the stairs. They climbed higher and higher, until they came out on the top of the statue!

"Did you really think you had a chance?!" Trump gloated. He raised the ball above his head, and it began to roar with noisome apocalyptic airs. It's time for my secret move!"

"Alrighty then, I'll show you my secret move, too!" Hercule shouted. Donald Trump did the "bring it" hand gesture, and Hercule reached into his gi. He pulled out a handgun and shot Donald once, the frag round immediately dropping him. Hercule coughed, and carefully wiped off the Dragon Ball and picked it up. "That's three down," Hercule noted.

"No, wait," Bernie pleaded. "In two cities now, everyone near the Gems have been sick. I think... I think it was my wish that did this!" Bernie sank to his knees and wailed loudly.

Goku knelt down to console Bernie Sanders. "Relax, nigga. We'll collect the rest of the Dragon Balls before you know it and have a chance at making this right." Bernie nodded and wiped his tears, and they group stood and blasted off.

Nothing much really happened with the next few balls- it was just more quiet ghost-y cities, although one was underwater and they saw Ariel from The Little Mermaid leaking fluorescent pus as they swam by. The last one was in America again, and as they followed they trail, Goku began to smell something cooking. "Is that pizza" Bulma asked, leaning out of the new capsule helicopter to sniff. Then with a shudder, the pizza smell tumefied and exploded to pugnacious levels, and the helicopted stopped in mid-air.

"I _am_ pizza," Papa John snarled viciously. He wrenched on the helicopter blade in his hand and pulled all of the blades off, and swatted the copter down to the ground. Goku Instant Transmissioned them out, and cracked his neck by leaning his head from side to side as he scowled.

"I can't believe you," Goku said in a low voice of dangers.

"I've finally found the best ingredient," Papa John said with breathy chuckles. "There-"

"I can't believe you managed to make pizza smell _gross_ ," Interrupted Goku. Papa John briefly looked non-plussed, then with no preambles rushed in to attack Goku. Bernie Gold and the others hurriedly back away a safe distance. Goku at first was operating with instincts and ease, and then he noticed that Papa John was, too. Then Goku mixed up style a bit, using some of the older techniques he learned from Master Roshi and didn't use very often. But every solid hit slipped off of Papa John instead of connecting with full forces.

"You're noticing it, aren't you?" Papa John whispered huskily. "The grease is a byproduct of my heightened state. It reduces friction and enhances my speed, too." With a quick kiai Papa John punched Goku, the grease igniting and burning away a hole in Goku's gi, sending the Z-Fighter tumbling away. Goku stood up as a Super Saiyan, fully serious. He gave his muscles a light tense to spring in, but they clenched all the way with subconscious trepidations as Papa John struck a power pose and growled hoarsely and wetly.

Papa John's garlic butter sweat started to pour off of him, then fly upwards and ignite in a golden blazing aura. His eyes were pure pepperoni-colored, his teeth black as olives. "Please tell me Papa John did not just go Super Saiyan," Bulma asked fearfully.

"Super Saiyan? No. This is to go further beyond!" Papa John replied with crashing thunders. He roared, his skin taking on the hue of tomato sauce as the ground buckled and flew away.

"I've seen this kind of fight before," Hercule said. "We can't stay nearby- let's keep heading towards the Dragon Ball!" The others nodded, and Bulma popped out a capsule car they all got in and sped away.

Papa John and Goku continued to clash furiously. Kicks were checked like the C box on a long multiple choice test, punches splitting the air with thunder and causing Emperor Rings to form above the pair in the sky. They rocketed across the plain with fury. Goku finally was able to catch one of Papa John's punches and get a solid grip on him, and flung him down to the ground, forming a vast and deep canyon. "Finally," Goku heard from the smoky rubbles in the canyon. "The oven's done preheating. It's time to get cooking," Papa John said. The whole canyon shone with pepperoni and cheese-colored light, and in a split-second Papa John erupted from it with primal brutality, striking Goku hard in the chest. Goku coughed with bloodiness, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and went Super Saiyan Two. Strikes and blocks snapped into place like rubber bands, and then Papa John backhanded Goku away at supersonic speeds with impunity. The friction of Goku grinding into the ground and sliding to a stop caused a magnitude 7 earthquake that leveled several nearby cities. The hit even knocked him out of Super Saiyan Two!

"This may sound awful, though ya'know: I'm really relieved right now," Goku said with oblivious chuckles as he stood. "Most of the time I have to hold back, because I'm worried that if I give a fight everything I've got, I'll be endangering more people than I save; most of my opponents can't handle that level, anyways. It's like living in a world of cardboard, where everything could break if I make even a tiny wrong move. Except you... I think you should be able to handle it, right, pizza guy?" With a fierce kiai Goku went Super Saiyan Blue!

Papa John blinked in and shattered Goku's nose like a ripe cherry. "The pizza in me is stronger than the steel in you," He growled. Papa John continued to batter around Goku, having answers of advanced theory and savage elegance for each of Goku's angles of attack. "This is the day I have long been waiting for!" Papa John sang with dooms. "My day of reckoning is now upon the world. I knew the sickness within the Dragon Ball was familiar- almost identical to that of my own pizza, in fact. I was easily able to harmonize the two, and now the plague of my revenge will be unstoppable. Cower! Beg! Flee- the Coronapocalypse has descended!" Papa John shouted with violent glee, arms flung out wide. Goku went Super Saiyan Blue Kaio-Ken Times Twenty, then regained his footing and began to fight back again.

Quickly, Papa John dropped his taunts. There was a serious look in Goku's eyes, the ground rippling beneath him and Papa John like water as their power stretched the earth's integrities to their breaking point. Lava burst over the landscape, fires erupting and swirling into tornados as Papa John and Goku fought through and around them. Goku fought well, but... ...-.-..-.-..-...-.-..-...-...-..-. ... Papa John hit him with a punch that made the sky and earth echo away liquidly. It forced Goku out of his transformation! "Dang! That... really hurt," Goku said sadly.

"Is that all, Goku?" Papa John screamed. Stand up! Fight, or be forgotten!" Goku did not stir, and Papa John huffed. "I see you've chosen the ignominy of pineapple-less pizza," He said dejectedly. He floated down, and prepared to deliver the final blow.

Deep within his subconsciousness and memories, Goku was remembering his other hard fights and training. He remembered his final and harshest training with his mentor Tobin Heath:

_"I… can't…" Goku said, down on his stomach with sore tiredness._

_"Yes you can," Tobin Heath said._

_"I can't…!"_

_"Yes you can! Look at me, Goku- a fighter, they are only in it for the money, for themselves. They live for only a single moment of victory. A warrior cannot afford to dwell on fame or focus on a single battle, because war is a way of life, Goku! I know deep in your heart, Goku, that you believe- that one moment of glory is not your purpose, that there are greater things to fight and live for! Don't be afraid to live, Goku! You were made to overcome! Now are you a fighter, or a warrior?"_

_"...A warrior…"_

_"I didn't hear you!"_

_"I am a warrior."_

_"Let me see your war face, Goku- what did you say?!"_

_"I am a warrior!"_

The cataclysmic punch was block. Papa John tried to force it through, and found he could not! His arm trembled with the strain, and Goku began to glow gold. "No, this... this isn't Super Saiyan. What is this?!" Papa John shrieked.

"Do you know what the difference between a tyrant and a hero is, pizza guy?" Goku asked, looking up through his sweat and blood. " _Instinct._ " A galactic crystalline aura flared out from Goku, knocking Papa John backwards. Goku's fierce aura was iridescent, and sparkled an electric gold- this was the final full power, combining Super Saiyan with unconscious fighting: Ultimate Instinct. The fight became a quantum battle of imagination and will, each striking and dodging faster than they could see; vectors of despair clashed with ferocity and aplomb. In a single moment where Papa John exceeded the laws of the universe to rip apart Goku's quantum field emission coherence with a blazing punch, Goku used the same loosening of laws to stop the punch with a single finger. "I'm more of a Domino's guy, to be honest." Goku snapped his fingers, and the shockwave caused the polarity shear to make Papa John flash into anti-matter, the explosion sublimating and scattering negative G.Q. plasma into hyperspace, the echoes of which briefly shook the whole universe. Goku powered down, then Instant Transmissioned to the rest of the group.

They were inside Papa John's formidable lair that was constructed of burnt pizza crusts and toppings. "I've almost got it!" Bernie Gold said excitedly. "It reminds me so much of the patterns that lead me to discovering the Gems-" Quickly flipping through his notebook, Bernie found the page and looked back up to the lock on the door that glowed an ominous pepperoni red.

"Hurry!" Bulma begged. We're almost out of time!" Bernie had laser focus and touched the correct pizza toppings fastly. The vault door glowed garlic butter yellow, then clicked open harmlessly. Inside it was chilly, and the last Dragon Ball sat on a simple pedestal under a spotlight. Hercule dashed in and grabbed it off, which immediately caused warning lights and sirens to blare through the fortress.

"Ovens engaged," A recording of Papa John's voice said. "Begin self-destruct recipe!"

"Dammit Hercule, now what are we going to do?!" Bulma snapped.

"We won't be able to run out of here in time!" Bernie added with no helping.

"Hey guys."

"Oh, hey Goku- GOKU!" Bulma sighed with relief. "Would you mind?" She asked, miming the Instant Transmission pose. Goku shrugged happily, and got the crew out to a mountain plain a few states over.

"I'll handle this part," Bernie said. He took the sack of Dragon balls from Hercule, and poured the balls out onto the ground. "I summon the Guardian of the Sephirot!" The sky darkened, and up from the Dragon Balls shot Shenron.

"You guys again? Didn't I see y'all like, what, last week?" Shenron asked.

"I have my wish ready," Bernie said, pushing his glasses up. Shenron shrugged. Clearing his throat, Bernie stated, "I wish for all of the effects of my previous wish to be undone."

"Thought you'd never ask." Shenron nodded and burst out with a silky golden light, the Dragon Balls streaking out over the land like meteors of healing. Bernie's notebook burned up with a gold flame, and there were rumblings that were heard from far off. Bernie closed his eyes and held his head in his hands. "Bulma, everyone... I think we should never speak again. I'll own up to it: this was all my fault. Without me, the corona virus would never have devastated the world."

"Saving the world can be rough, Goku said, patting Bernie on his shoulder. "But you've done it one more time than most people ever will."

"Thanks, friend. You know, I think I'll stay here in the states. I have a lot to atone for and need to distance myself from everything that led to this." These somber words were undermined by Bernie's stomach growling.

"But how about we all have one last meal together?" Proposed Hercule.

"Sure thing!" Said Goku. "Now who wants to celebrate saving the world with some Papa John's pizza?" Goku laughed off everyone's death glares, and the camera panned upwards to the happy blue sky.

The Enf


End file.
